Rod's Corner

October 23, 2011

Surviving Child Sexual Abuse

Filed under: Personal — summer9797 @ 5:51 pm

FIRST SOME FACTS: According to one article child sexual abuse is defined as any sexual behavior directed towards a child by a person who has power over that child. This sort of behavior is always a betrayal of trust. Another source states that by the age of 18, 20-40 percent of girls report being abused. While the percent of 2-9 is lower for boys the resulting emotional trauma is still the same.

THE BEGINNING At the age of six I was living with my grandmother while my mom worked shift work. A teenage neighbor was good friends with everyone in the house. He loved to hunt and fish just like my older brother and step grandfather. After 49 year I still do not know how it started but I do remember it starting around the age of six. He showed interest in me. Eventually some how he got me performing sex acts on him.
THE LIES AND CONTROL He told me that if I told anyone they would hate me. He told me that none of my teachers would like me and that my family would feel ashamed of me. At such a young age, I believed him.
A SPIRIT SPOKE INTO ME This went on for many years until I reach puberty at age 12. I then resisted his advances and of course he would use the same old control tactics with me.
IT WAS ENDED One Saturday while at mom’s I wrote her a letter with all the details of what he had done to me. She cried and called my grandmother. He was then banned from the house.
DEALING WITH THE PAIN
It was not until I was an adult that I went into therapy for these issues and for the low self esteem that he had reinforced inside of me.
49 YEARS LATER: Even though I am a professional adult with friends and family I often find myself going back to that time. I do not have PTSD because I am able to logically deal with the visceral emotions. The others that I have counseled unfortunately find themselves stuck constantly going back and revisiting their abuse the grace and love by God has helped me survive.
ADULTHOOD: I am no good at relationships. I either get too wrapped up with someone or ignore them. I avoid drama. I DO NOT like to be touched. I hate the part at church when the pastor asks you to get up and welcome someone to church. I stand with my hands in my pockets hoping that I will not have to touch someone. I tend to trust women more than men. My job requires me to be social with coworkers and clients but at night I return to the private world of my apartment or some weekends I go home to see mom and our dogs. None of the incidents happened at mom’s house so I feel safe.

October 2, 2011

Why I love dogs.

Filed under: Uncategorized — summer9797 @ 4:09 pm

First of all, I mean nothing bad about those who love cats. We had a cat many years ago. He was a great cat but unfortunately he died of feline leukemia. Mom was so hurt that she decided not to bring another cat into our home.

I am 49 years old and I do not remember us not having a dog. Why a dog over a cat? A dog you can train to do many things. A dog meets you at the door eager to see you. A dog will follow you around. Dogs are never moody.

Currently mom and I share the ownership of 3 Labrador’s. One is 11 years old and the other 2 are 3-year-old sisters. They are nothing but big lovable fur balls. The oldest, Summer, is very protective of her family. She is especially protective of mom. We are thinking that the 2 chocolates would help robbers carry out the furniture. They love everyone.

Do you need someone to eagerly greet you at your door? Would like something that is going to love you no matter what you do? Do you want something to play in the yard with? If so, you need a dog.

What does “home” mean to you?

Filed under: Uncategorized — summer9797 @ 2:20 pm

I have people all the time ask me which part of Indianapolis I grew up in? I tell them that I did not grow up in Indianapolis. Instead, that I grew up in rural Indiana. Those who have grown up in Indianapolis have no clue as to what I am talking about.

I was born and raised in Aurora, Indiana. Aurora is a small town that sits along the Ohio River about 45 minutes west of Cincinnati, Ohio. Further, I tell them that I lived with my mother down a dirt and gravel dead-end road. I tell them that it is not unusual to see wildlife such as deer in the yard. I point out that it is so rural that we that mom tends to not lock the door at night.

After college I moved around a bit before I settled with my current job. I live on the far west side of Indianapolis. I work on the north-east side of Indianapolis. I am from Aurora, Indiana. I still have a room at mom’s house. You can usually find me at mom’s at least twice a month.

It is not so important about the location of your home but how that place makes you feel. I always sleep better at home with mom. Mom and I share the love of 3 Labrador’s. Something that I will blog about later.

Home is a place where you can relax. Home is a place where you can heal when you are sick or injured. Home is a place where the food is always better. Home is a place where often the best thing to do in nothing. Home is a place where a hundred pound Labrador tries to climb onto your lap. Home means peace.

I feel terrible for those who are homeless. I know someone who lives under a bridge. I know someone else who sleeps on the steps of a church. All of them have had a home but because of poor choices on their part they have either lost their home or been told by the person in their family that owns the home, that they are not welcome.

If you have home then be glad and know how much you are blessed. If you do not have a home then my prayer for you is that you find a place to call home.

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