Rod's Corner

October 23, 2011

Surviving Child Sexual Abuse

Filed under: Personal — summer9797 @ 5:51 pm

FIRST SOME FACTS: According to one article child sexual abuse is defined as any sexual behavior directed towards a child by a person who has power over that child. This sort of behavior is always a betrayal of trust. Another source states that by the age of 18, 20-40 percent of girls report being abused. While the percent of 2-9 is lower for boys the resulting emotional trauma is still the same.

THE BEGINNING At the age of six I was living with my grandmother while my mom worked shift work. A teenage neighbor was good friends with everyone in the house. He loved to hunt and fish just like my older brother and step grandfather. After 49 year I still do not know how it started but I do remember it starting around the age of six. He showed interest in me. Eventually some how he got me performing sex acts on him.
THE LIES AND CONTROL He told me that if I told anyone they would hate me. He told me that none of my teachers would like me and that my family would feel ashamed of me. At such a young age, I believed him.
A SPIRIT SPOKE INTO ME This went on for many years until I reach puberty at age 12. I then resisted his advances and of course he would use the same old control tactics with me.
IT WAS ENDED One Saturday while at mom’s I wrote her a letter with all the details of what he had done to me. She cried and called my grandmother. He was then banned from the house.
DEALING WITH THE PAIN
It was not until I was an adult that I went into therapy for these issues and for the low self esteem that he had reinforced inside of me.
49 YEARS LATER: Even though I am a professional adult with friends and family I often find myself going back to that time. I do not have PTSD because I am able to logically deal with the visceral emotions. The others that I have counseled unfortunately find themselves stuck constantly going back and revisiting their abuse the grace and love by God has helped me survive.
ADULTHOOD: I am no good at relationships. I either get too wrapped up with someone or ignore them. I avoid drama. I DO NOT like to be touched. I hate the part at church when the pastor asks you to get up and welcome someone to church. I stand with my hands in my pockets hoping that I will not have to touch someone. I tend to trust women more than men. My job requires me to be social with coworkers and clients but at night I return to the private world of my apartment or some weekends I go home to see mom and our dogs. None of the incidents happened at mom’s house so I feel safe.

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